With Every Heartbeat Read online

  “And she’s the, uh, the spearhead of your friendship? You’re the follower?”

  I didn’t mean to frown, but something about the way he phrased that rubbed me all kinds of wrong—though, okay, that was how it had been back in high school. I had followed along with whatever idea Cora had, done whatever Cora had wanted to do, followed like a good, faithful little sheep.

  But here in Ellamore? Yeah, that wasn’t the way of our friendship at all.

  I didn’t tell him that, though. I didn’t tell him she felt like more a stranger to me these days. So I shrugged and agreed with his assessment. “Sure.”

  He nodded as if self-congratulating himself for his brilliant deduction. “It sounds as if Cora is a pretty important person in your life. She said you didn’t have a great home life, so she kind of acted as your family. Like a big sister. I guess I’m saying I’m worried about attachment issues. I don’t want you to think of her as your crutch.”

  Whoa! What?

  The last thing I thought of Cora as was a crutch.

  Okay, maybe two years ago when she’d “taken me under her wing,” I’d latched on to her friendship because it was the only thing I’d had. But then I’d had a year severed from her to learn how to deal with things on my own, and the only reason I’d come here to Ellamore was to help her, not so she’d take care of me again. Lately, I’d actually been dreaming up ways to peacefully cut ties with her after the transplant was over.

  “Sharing your kidneys between the two of you isn’t going to make you one person or tighten any emotional connection between the two of you. You’re still going to be your own person, and she’s going to be hers. You do realize that, right, Zoey?”

  What the hell?

  I nodded, because I didn’t know how to answer without telling him he was insane. I didn’t want to be one with Cora. I didn’t even want to be like Cora.

  But I really wanted to know what kind of story she’d fed him. Remembering how she’d told me she’d thought I was a lesbian with a crush on her, I sank lower into the couch, hoping to God she hadn’t told him that. But he was making it sound like I was obsessively in love with her, so...she probably had.

  “I...I know that,” I said, not sure what else to say without outright telling him his idea was completely whack.

  “And then there’s the possibility that her body might reject the new kidney. What would you do if the transplant wasn’t successful and she didn’t make it?”

  “I don’t know,” I whispered, and honestly, I didn’t know. I hadn’t thought of what would happen after. I’d been too focused on just getting it done.

  “I...I guess I’d finish school,” I said dumbly.

  He lifted an interested eyebrow. “Here? At ESU?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. I mean, sure. I’ve already enrolled and am halfway through a semester.”

  Plus, Quinn was here. Which was a totally inappropriate, awful thought to have right now, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about him being in my future.

  “So, you think you could handle being here by yourself, without any family or friends around?”

  I kind of wanted to laugh in his face. I had more friends here than I’d ever had at home. Caroline, Reese, Quinn. Even Ten. The idea of leaving actually made me recoil with dread. This place was my home now. And the friends I’d made since coming here were the closest family I’d ever had.

  Clearing my throat, I met Dr. What’s-His-Face’s gaze. “I think I’d make it just fine on my own if I had to.”

  He nodded, scribbled another notation, or maybe he’d just beaten himself at tic-tac-toe. I don’t know. I didn’t care. He was so far off base with all his questions, it wasn’t even funny. But, whew...I guess I needn’t have worried that he’d pull out all my deepest darkest secrets and make me admit how guilty I felt when it came to Quinn and Cora.

  Both Cora and I were quiet on the ride home. I expected her to ask how my session with the quack had gone, but she didn’t. And I didn’t ask how her dialysis went. She looked better than when we’d left the apartment, so I guess it had helped.

  She chewed on her lip and stared stonily out the front window, so I turned my attention out the passenger side window.

  We were about five minutes from the apartment when she finally spoke. “I think I’m going to get Quinn back.”

  Dread zapped its way through my body as I turned slowly. “What?”

  She nodded without glancing at me. “Yeah,” she said as if she’d just come to that conclusion. “It’s nicer to have a boyfriend than not have one. And he pampered me the most, always let me have my way, didn’t crowd my space. And the sex. Wow. Once he learned what to do with it, that boy knew how to work a cock.”

  My stomach roiled, but oh God, I already knew how well he knew how to work one. And that was so, so wrong.

  With a harsh laugh, Cora shook her head. “Strangely, he was actually the dream boyfriend.”

  I shook my head, not getting it. “What do you mean, strangely? Why is that realization strange?”

  I’d thought his dedication, loyalty, and adoration had been amazing. Awe-worthy. Refreshing. It’d never been strange to me. Watching the way he’d treated Cora when they were together had given me faith in love and shown me it truly did exist in a healthy, amazing way. It had been beautiful, not strange.

  But Cora shrugged. “Oh, you know. At first, he was just kind of a trophy. The cute, clueless, brainless, muscle-necked football player no other groupie had gotten a hold of yet.”

  Groupie? She’d been a groupie?

  “But then, he’d been so eager to please me. So desperate for attention.” Another negligent shrug left her shoulders. “What can I say? I’m a girl. I like to be adored. So I let him worship me for a while. But then he got really good in the bedroom, and he kept pampering me and showering me with everything I wanted. I mean, everything. And well...he’s hot. Plus his dick is, like, enormous. So...I just kept him around.”

  “Are...” I swallowed because this was incredibly hard to listen to. “Are you saying you never loved him?”

  Cora just sent me a look. I think that meant that answer was an obvious no. It broke my heart for Quinn, because he had loved her. He’d been willing to marry her. How could she just...?

  “He was the most devoted man I ever dated. I don’t think I’m finished with him yet.”

  I snorted. Maybe she should’ve considered that before she slept with those other guys.

  She glanced at me, her scowl cross. “What? Don’t you think I can accomplish it?” A secretive smile crossed her lips. “Oh, I know how to accomplish it. I know exactly what he likes best.”

  She meant during sex, and that made me feel more vile than ever, because what if she did know how to entice him into forgiving her? What if she could draw him back into her clutches, into her bed? What if—? No, I couldn’t even consider it. He couldn’t go back to her after what he’d done with me. He just couldn’t. Even if he never touched me again and refused to even talk to me, he couldn’t be with her again, either.

  “But you cheated on him,” I argued, without meaning to. The words just blurted from my mouth because I didn’t even want her to try to get back together with him. “He broke up with you.”

  “Meh.” She didn’t seem concerned about that fact. “I guess maybe it’s time to drop the big bomb and tell him about my kidney failure. You know that’ll bring a bleeding heart like Quinn back where I want him.”

  My mouth fell open incredulously. “You...you’re going to play the sympathy card and use that against him?”

  The acid in her glance scorched into me. “What’re you so bent out of shape about? Aren’t you the one who’s been badgering me for months to tell him about it? You’re finally getting your way.”

  I’d only wanted her to tell him about it way back before I’d spent the night with him, given him my virginity and fallen irreversibly in love with him.

  I paled as a thought struck. If Cora told him, he’d know tha
t I’d known about her all along. He’d never forgive me for keeping it from him, because if I’d have just told him, he never would’ve left Cora, no matter how many other guys she’d slept with. She was right; he was a devoted bleeding heart who would stand by his dying—albeit cheating—girlfriend’s side.

  Oh God. What if he thought I hadn’t told him because I’d wanted him all to myself? What if... Wait.

  What if—subconsciously—I hadn’t told because I did want him all to myself?

  What if I was a worse person than Cora?

  I couldn’t urge her not to tell him now. I just couldn’t.

  “Do whatever you want.” I turned to stare out the side window again. But inside my chest, my heart crumbled to pieces.

  Quinn was going to hate me.

  Cora showed up at my door Saturday night while I was eating supper with Ten. He’d cooked for me by ordering pizza. Even though I wasn’t hungry, I’d just bitten into my first slice of supreme when her knock came. Thinking—hoping and praying—it might be Zoey, I started to rise, but Ten waved me back down.

  “I got this.”

  I could tell who had come to call when he immediately started ranting. “Oh, you fucking, worthless, lying, cheating whore. How dare you show your face here? Why don’t you turn around and go back to sucking on whoever’s dick you just came from?”

  I stood and moved behind him to see Cora glaring at him from the hallway. When she caught sight of me over his shoulder, her eyes lit up.

  She rose onto her toes and waved. “Quinn? Hi. We need to talk.”

  I shook my head and snorted, turning my face to the side. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

  “Hear that? He doesn’t want to talk to you. Bye-bye now.” Ten began to shut the door in her face, but she slapped her palm against it and scowled at my roommate before she boldly stepped into our apartment.

  “We’re going to talk,” she said.

  Ten huffed out his irritation but leaned against the opened door and arched an eyebrow my way, as if waiting for me to give him permission to throw her out. But I knew how persistent Cora could be. She’d probably keep pestering me until I finally gave in and talked anyway...even though I’d already said everything I’d wanted to say to her.

  It was over; how many more ways did she want me to phrase it? But it seemed easiest to just get this over with now, and let her say what she’d come to say so I wouldn’t have to deal with her any more after this.

  Folding my arms over my chest, I drew out a big sigh. “Fine. Talk.”

  “Stupid, noble idiot.” Ten shook his head in disappointment. “Man, I can’t believe you.”

  “Well, no one asked you,” Cora snapped at him.

  Stepping away from the door, he towered over her and narrowed his eyes. “The only reason you’re here is to beg him to take you back. But you’re only wasting your breath. There’s no way in hell he’s going to let your lying, faithless, whore ass anywhere near his dick ever again.”

  “Ten,” I muttered with another long sigh. “Just let her talk so she’ll go away.”

  For the first time, Cora looked hurt. She glanced toward me as if uncertain, which made me think Ten had been right. She’d come here to win me back.

  A headache formed between my temples. I sighed and rubbed at it, wanting to be anywhere but here.

  “Fine.” Ten swiped his wallet off the coffee table. “I’m out of here. Call me when the bitch is gone.” He slammed the door on his way out.

  “He’s not very happy that you lied to him either,” I explained when Cora just stared at the closed door as if bewildered.

  She turned to me slowly. I braced for the apology, for the tears, and maybe some pleading. I totally didn’t expect her to clear her throat and paste on a cheerful smile. “So, I’ve given you a day to adjust to the shock and get over what happened.”

  My mouth fell open. Say what?

  Folding my arms over my chest, I arched an eyebrow. “Oh, you did, did you?”

  “Mmm hmm.” She nodded and blasted me with another grin. “I know it didn’t sit well with you, so I’ll agree to be strictly monogamous from here on out.”

  I blinked.

  Was she freaking delusional?

  After waiting for another beat to make sure she wasn’t somehow pulling my leg, I slowly shook my head. “When did you ever think what we had was some kind of open arrangement where you could just sleep with whomever you liked?”

  “Well...” I don’t think she was expecting such a direct question like that, because she faltered. “I...we never had that talk. I thought you knew—”

  “No, dammit.” I stepped closer to her. Her eyes widened as she lurched a step back. “I didn’t know. Who would know that? And we didn’t have the talk because we didn’t need to have that talk. No normal couple has that kind of talk.” I was a social idiot here, and even I knew that. “Starting a relationship with someone implies monogamy.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but I held up a finger.

  “And you knew that otherwise you wouldn’t have bothered to hide it from me and lie about it.”

  “I only kept it quiet to spare your feelings.”

  I laughed in her face. “No, you did it because you’re a lying, faithless whore...just like Ten said.”

  Cora’s jaw fell open. “I cannot believe you just called me that.”

  Yeah, well, I couldn’t believe that’s what she’d ended up being. Setting my hands on my hips, I glanced away. “If Ten was right, if the only reason you came here was to get me back, you should just go now. We’re not getting back together. Ever.”

  “Are you sure about that?” She stepped closer and lifted her hand to run her index finger down the center of my chest.

  She was lucky I didn’t break her finger for touching me. But I managed to restrain myself. I settled for catching her wrist in a viselike grip and sending her a glare.

  “What?” She giggled and sent me a flirty smile, stepping closer. “You can’t tell me it wasn’t amazing between us, especially in the bedroom.”

  I glanced away dryly. “I’ve had better.”

  I didn’t realize what I revealed until she gasped.

  A split second later, her free hand came around to crack me across the cheek with a stinging, loud slap.

  Totally not expecting that to happen, I couldn’t stop it from cranking my face around.

  Jaw on fire from her palm, I slowly turned to stare at her.

  “You fucked someone else?” Fury oozed from her pores. “When did you fuck someone else?”

  I closed my eyes, calling myself ten kinds of idiot. She knew she’d been my first. She’d always known she was my first. When I opened my lashes, I found her quivering as she glared at me.

  “Don’t worry,” I assured her with a cold, hard voice. “Unlike you, I didn’t cheat.”

  “But...” She shook her head, her eyes showing me how furiously her mind worked to calculate the time in her head. “We’ve only been apart a day. How could you find someone else in a fucking day?”

  I shrugged. It seemed like something Ten would do at a time like this, and I could certainly do with a little bit of Ten’s attitude right about now.

  “Oh my fucking God,” she roared. “I cannot believe this. You stuck your dick in another woman. You fucking bastard.”

  When she curled her fingers, claws extended, and went for my face, I caught her wrists again, stopping her. Then I propelled her away from me. She must’ve realized I wasn’t going to let her hurt me, because her next strategy was to grasp her waist and double over as if in extreme pain before she burst into hiccupping sobs.

  The weeping was so extreme, I arched an eyebrow because it was so obviously fake.

  In the past, tears had always melted me. I absolutely could not stand watching a woman cry. But Cora’s put-on tears enraged me. And the crude way she’d described what Zoey and I had done sent me right over the edge.

  I leaned forward. “Imagine how I felt yesterda
y, finding out you’d let other men stick their dicks in you.”

  When she looked at me as if I’d betrayed her, I shook my head. “Are you forgetting which one of us was faithful?” I jabbed a finger at her. “You cheated on me, Cora. You betrayed me and slept with I don’t know how many other men while we were together. So I moved on. How dare you stroll in here, without a single apology, and just expect me to...I don’t know, thank you because you’re willing to give us another try? Well, no. It...is...over. It was over the minute I read that text. And whatever I’ve done with anyone else since that moment is none of your damn business.”

  “But...you’re mine.” She stomped her foot, the pinch in her eyebrows a pathetic glare. “I created you. I—”

  “You what? You created me?” My mouth fell open, wondering what the heck that was all about.

  “Yes.” She hissed at me. “You were nothing. A pathetic little naive, gullible nobody. So malleable and easy to control. Just like Zoey.”

  “Zoey?” I croaked. I didn’t like hearing her name come from this woman’s mouth, this woman I thought loved me and loved being with me, this woman who’d lied to me and broken my trust. “What does Zoey have to do with this?”

  “Nothing.” Cora shrugged. “You just reminded me of her. That’s why I chose you.”

  I shook my head, more confused than ever. “Excuse me? Did you say you chose me?” She made it sound like she’d taken a trip to the pet shop to pick out her next lapdog.

  A sick nausea churned in me when I realized that’s exactly how she’d always treated me. Like a lapdog, someone to fetch her slippers, rub her feet, make her breakfast, lick her pussy.

  She sent me a proud, triumphant grin. “The night of the auction, I did choose you. Like a shy, lost little puppy. It reminded me of how Zoey had always been. So I knew I could do to you what I’d always done to her.”

  I clenched my teeth as my stomach tightened with dread. “And what exactly did you always do to her?”

  Her grin turned sly and mischievous. “Whatever I wanted. You see, timid, lonely people like you two are starved for a little attention. All I needed to do was feed you both a couple compliments, and you were devoted to me for life. Zoey will do anything for me, because I’m like, I don’t know, her god, I guess. She worships the ground I walk on.”