With Every Heartbeat Read online

  To say I was an utter mess was probably the understatement of the century.

  “Oh, shit,” Mason uttered, turning to Pick. “You finally told him how she hit on you, huh?”

  I spun toward Pick and gaped at him openmouthed. He backed away slowly and lifted his hands, his eyes wide with culpability.

  Oh my God. She had hit on him.

  “What the fuck!” I gripped my hair, wanting to pull out every lock by the roots, just...anything to relieve the anger and humiliation inside me.

  Mason turned wide-eyed to Ten. “Did Hamilton just say fuck? Or is my fever messing with my ears?”

  Ten smacked him in the arm. “Way to go, asshole. You turned him to cursing.”

  “Does anyone else here know something about my life that I don’t?” I demanded, glaring down every man in the room. “I thought you guys were my friends.”

  They’d always made me feel included and welcome, like one of the crew. To realize they still kept things from me did not sit well. Did they think I was too stupid to keep up, too naive, too—

  “You are our friend, Quinn.” Pick’s calming voice didn’t really calm me this time. And when he set his hand back on my shoulder, I shrugged it off and glared. He lifted his palms and took a step back.

  “So, what? You think I’m too fragile to handle the truth, then?”

  “No.” Pick scowled and shook his head. “Not at all. We think you’ve had to deal with a lot of new experiences in the past few months that you’ve never dealt with before. We know how sheltered you were; you didn’t get a normal teenager’s life. So when it comes to women, sex, and love, you didn’t get to wade in like the rest of us. You’ve had to jump straight off into the deep end. It’s because you are our friend and we’re completely loyal to you that we didn’t interfere or bother you with things we didn’t know for sure. We just wanted you to have fun with your first girl. And Cora didn’t exactly hit on me, as Lowe phrased it. She just put off this vibe like she wanted to, so I shut her down before she could. So she didn’t. I could’ve totally been reading it wrong, and I didn’t want to cause you any undue paranoia, so I never said anything.”

  “And I swear, if I’d known she’d already agreed to go out with you again when we fucked, I would’ve told you, straight up,” Ten added. “I’ve been watching her like a hawk, waiting for the first moment I could catch her with someone else, but the bitch is slick, I’ll give her that. She hides her secrets well. I never caught her with anyone else while you two were together, so I couldn’t rat her out to you.”

  “The love of my life is alive today because of you,” Pick added. “I would bleed for you, man. If there was ever anything we didn’t tell you, it’s because we care about you.”

  I nodded, but I still felt like a fool. I’d been blind to so many things. I didn’t want anyone to think they had to hide anything from me for my own good, to lie to spare my feelings.

  From here on out, I wanted to be tough. And aware.

  Screw nice; I wanted honesty.

  It’s crazy how fast a day can spiral out of control. Aside from the fact it felt as if my contacts had dried and glued themselves to my eyeballs, I woke to the most amazing sensation in the world: Quinn’s warm hard flesh pressed against mine.

  For the longest moment ever, I just stayed there, piled on top of him with his heartbeat doubling as my pillow and our legs entwined while I breathed in his incredible smell. Hypnotized by the rise and fall of his chest under my ear, I listened to his breathing, simply astounded to be with him. My fingers that had been resting on his shoulder slipped down his arm, thrilled by how warm and soft his flesh was as it covered steel-hard muscle.

  Under me, he let out a breath, a half moan, half sigh. I grinned, keeping my lashes fused together, almost afraid to open them in fear I might find something other than what I knew I was feeling under me. Then his leg shifted and I could feel his shaft against my hip as it hardened.

  The insides of my thighs crackled with lightning pleasure and if I’d been wearing panties, they would’ve gotten soaked. My body recalled every moment of last night as I tried to count in my head just how many times Quinn had been inside me. Four? Five?

  He’d been so relentless. Passionate. Starving...for me. I think he’d craved me just as much as I’d craved him.

  Joy burst inside me. I honestly couldn’t remember ever feeling this happy. I slid my hand down, wanting to wrap my fingers around his growing excitement as I kissed his heartbeat right through his chest.

  Just before I reached his morning wood, he curved his hand around my butt in a warm caress and sleepily murmured, “Love you.”

  I froze, my fingers halting just below his navel. Opening my eyes, I took in green sheets and the shoulder of the naked man under me. Elation zipped through my veins, buzzed in my ears, and caused an electric jolt to spasm through my chest.

  But Quinn loved me?

  Should I say it back? I wanted to say it back. I wanted to laugh, and squeal, and scream. The moment was so utterly, breathtakingly perfect, I couldn’t even breathe properly. Unable to believe he’d told me that, I lifted my gaze just enough to take in the side of his jaw. He needed to shave. I looked higher to find his eyes closed. He was still asleep.

  Oh my God, he even loved me in his subconscious? That was just...wait.

  I knew I was a shy, sheltered, naive person, but I was also fully aware guys didn’t just go falling in love with a girl after one night, even if it had been the best night of my life. I mean, only yesterday, he’d been planning to ask Cora to—

  Oh...no.

  Cora.

  Guilt and fear and pain swirled through me as his declaration of love continued to sting. Twenty-four hours ago, he’d been Cora’s boyfriend, and he’d woken up in Cora’s bed. He was used to being with her. What if he’d been talking to her in his half sleep? I’d heard him tell her he loved her before. It might just be habit to say it to her first thing in the morning. Made sense that he’d been talking to her, not me.

  What didn’t make sense was me, waking up with him this morning, or me thinking this had been one of the best moments of my life. What didn’t make sense was me thinking he loved me.

  Holding my breath, I lifted my face higher, but his eyes were still closed and his lips were parted as he breathed easily. Then his palm slid limply off my bottom as he drifted back into a deeper slumber.

  And just like that, the best feeling in the world was replaced by the worst. I didn’t belong here. I’d just stolen something from both Cora and Quinn that I could never give back. I was a vile, terrible, awful betrayer.

  A tear slipped down my cheek. I chased it with my fingers, wiping it away before it could drip off me and onto Quinn. I shuddered out a sniff and gently, slowly tried to ease off him.

  We’d been up most of the night, only catching catnaps here and there until one or the other of us woke ravenous for more. I forgot how many times I stirred to the feel of him with his mouth on my breasts, or his tongue between my legs, his cock entering me from behind while his fingers slid around my hips to play with my clit. There was still a tender spot on the back of my shoulder when he’d bitten me from coming so hard in that position.

  His hands had possessed me, stroking so much of me that he now owned every inch. His scalding touch had branded me as his.

  And yet a part of him still belonged to her. His lips wouldn’t have formed those words if he didn’t. Right?

  He slept on as I carefully climbed off him. After last night, he had to be exhausted. I knew I was. Exhausted and sore, especially between the legs and around my breasts.

  I cupped both sensitive places to cover myself as I hobbled across his floor and hunted up my clothes.

  It didn’t even seem possible that I was about to do the walk of shame. Yesterday at this time, I’d been a virgin and was sure I’d stay one for a very long time.

  More tears flooded my cheeks. I kind of wanted him to wake up and catch me, to pull me back onto the bed and into
his arms and reassure me that last night had meant as much to him as it had to me. That he’d really been talking to me when he’d spoken those words. But I feared the moment he woke too, because I knew that was the total opposite of what he’d actually do.

  I couldn’t handle seeing the regret in his eyes, the guilt, the apology, the disgust and distress. I yanked on my jeans, not even bothering to search for my underwear I couldn’t immediately spot. When something stabbed into my hip through the cloth of my pocket, I nearly lost it all over again. With shaking fingers, I pulled out Quinn’s ring for Cora. It was still buttery from the shrimp scampi it had landed in.

  Trying not to vomit from self-disgust, I set the ring gently on Quinn’s nightstand. I spent a moment watching the two together, him and his ring for another woman. And then I fled.

  As soon as I hit the hallway, I skidded to a halt, remembering Ten lived here too and might be lingering about. If Ten caught sight of me like this, my horror would be complete. But no man stirred. No Quinn. No Ten. Just one lost, scared, guilty Zoey.

  I didn’t let myself cry as I drove back to Chateau Rivera. I held it in and concentrated on driving. I didn’t want to face Cora right now, but I didn’t know where else to go. I hoped she was sleeping in as she usually did on Saturday mornings. Except crap, it wasn’t exactly morning any longer, was it? But it was late enough that she would’ve left for her dialysis appointment already.

  And oh man, the thought of her dialysis only made bile rise in my throat. I really was the worst person on earth. I had not only betrayed my best friend, but I’d done it when she was at her weakest and most vulnerable, sick and frail.

  It did relieve me to know I could slip inside my room to be alone without her around, though. Except when I made it to the apartment and opened the door, I let out a shocked yelp when I saw someone standing in the front foyer.

  “Oh my God,” I gasped, setting my hand over my rapidly thumping heart as I focused on Cora’s face.

  She looked awful. Bags under her eyes, hair a ratty mess, clothes rumbled and hanging loosely from her thin frame.

  “What’re you still doing here?” I panted, out of breath from receiving the shock of my life.

  She shoved the back of her hand across her nose and sniffed. “I’m waiting on you, idiot. What do you think I’m still doing here? I’ve tried calling your phone all morning.”

  I hugged myself, unable to look her in the eyes. “I turned it off.”

  “So I guessed. Look, I know you’re still pissed at me because I didn’t tell you about the other guys,” she said. She was so nonchalant about saying the other guys, I winced, freshly hurt on Quinn’s behalf. Just how many other guys had there been? “But are you really so upset you’re just going to leave me hanging on the whole kidney transplant?”

  I blinked, clueless. “What?”

  “We’re supposed to go in together this morning. You have more tests while I’m getting my treatment.”

  “Oh.” Oh, crap. I’d forgotten all about that. I’d been too busy getting freaky with her ex all night long to think about doctor’s appointments. The color drained from my face and guilt layered itself on top of the guilt I was already feeling. “I guess I don’t have time for a shower, huh?”

  I gulped, unable to think about anything but all the things I’d be washing off if I did have time.

  “Fuck, no. You don’t have time.” She grabbed my arm, startling me. Quinn had touched me there last night. But then, he’d touched me everywhere. “Let’s go.”

  I pulled away. “I really need to change.” And my contacts were killing my eyes. Plus I couldn’t handle feeling her hand on me.

  She gave me five minutes, and then she bustled me out the door.

  Still in a shocked daze over everything that had happened, I couldn’t wrangle my thoughts into any order. My mind was all over the place. It felt so strange to stand mildly by Cora’s side in the elevator when only hours ago I’d had her boyfriend’s cock in my mouth. Ex-boyfriend, I reminded myself. Ex-boyfriend’s cock. Quinn’s gorgeous, long cock that had—

  I gasped out a sound, garnering a strange look from Cora. But I darted my attention away.

  As soon as we reached the ground floor, I shot out of the slowly opening doors and dashed for the exit, barely thanking Terrance when he let me out of the building. I didn’t know how to do this, how to pretend I hadn’t spent the entire night in Quinn’s bed.

  And then, as if thinking about him had conjured him, there he was, across the parking garage, standing by his truck. I jerked to a stop, not sure what to do. The wind whipped through his hair and flattened his T-shirt against his front, showing off every rippling muscle he had and reminding me what they’d felt like under my fingers.

  Suddenly, I could feel him again inside me, could taste his kiss on my tongue, smell his perfect scent. My body reacted; I wanted him so bad, wanted him pressing me into his mattress and covering me with his hard warmth.

  When he stepped forward, a hopeful yet uncertain expression, a shudder of longing tore through me. He’d followed me.

  But then Cora said his name, and I nearly jumped out my skin. She raced past me, rushing to him, and horror filled his face. He turned away, yanking open his truck door, and slamming himself inside. When he started the engine, she banged on his window, but he sped away without slowing down.

  I didn’t know what to think, what to do. I just knew he’d come here for me, not her.

  He’d wanted me.

  Maybe he had been talking to me when he’d spoken in his sleep. Or maybe I was making a mountain out of a molehill. He’d probably just come to apologize and tell me he regretted everything.

  “Well, come on already,” Cora yelled at me, her hands on her hips.

  So...we went. I still had her life to save.

  I was so silent in the passenger seat I think it made Cora nervous. She finally huffed out a sigh, and grumbled, “I suppose you want to talk about last night, huh?”

  I jumped. Last night? My brain immediately brought forth a dozen images in my head of last night: of Quinn on top of me, under me, behind me, pinning me to the wall. I paled and shook my head. “Not really.”

  Cora lifted her eyebrows. “Seriously? And here, I was so sure I’d get the self-righteous, indignant speech about fucking around and being unfaithful. I was actually expecting a bunch of questions like why. Why, Cora, why?” She finished the last three words on a whine as if trying to imitate me.

  I shrugged and turned to stare out the window, ignoring the insult. She had a lot more to insult me about than she could ever guess. “I guess I’ve stopped wondering why you do things that make no sense to me.”

  She didn’t have an answer for that. She made a huffy sound, and then said, “Well, I certainly didn’t know he was going to propose.”

  I shot her a dry glare because she was still lying to me. “Oh, so you would’ve been faithful if you’d just known he was so serious about you?”

  She shrugged, letting me know she wouldn’t have been faithful, no matter what. She didn’t apologize for it, I noticed. She acted haughty and justified, as if she’d done absolutely nothing wrong, as if she hadn’t just broken the heart of a man who’d been seconds—seconds—away from asking her to be his wife.

  Just then, I hated her. And I didn’t feel sorry for sleeping with her ex-boyfriend. And worst of all, I didn’t feel bad about having such awful, terrible thoughts like I usually did when a stray awful, terrible thought entered my head. I just felt disgust for the woman sitting across the car from me.

  But then the second passed, and the guilt and shame crashed down. I cowered in my seat, needing a distraction. “What kind of checkup am I getting today?” I asked quietly.

  I’d already been through the physical exam. A doctor had looked me over from top to bottom, thoroughly, even going as far as to scrutinize every mole on my body to make sure they didn’t look cancerous.

  “Psychological, I think.”

  “Psycho...?
” A cold sweat misted my skin. I turned to look at her, feeling like I might vomit. “What? No. I...I can’t. Not today. Can’t I do something different this time?” Anything different.

  I could already picture the shrink drilling me for the truth.

  Just how jealous of Cora are you? How much do you resent her perfect parents, her perfect social graces, her perfect boyfriend? Just how sore are you between the legs from stealing him from her and having sex with him all night long?

  Today was the absolute worst day ever for someone to go picking around inside my brain.

  Cora just sent me a dry glare, no pity whatsoever in her hateful gaze. “I didn’t set the appointments. You’re going.”

  “So, Zoey. Why do you want to give Cora your kidney?”

  It was the easiest, most obvious question ever. And yet it rendered me completely blank, because in that moment, I couldn’t remember why I was still so determined to do this. The only thing I could think to say was that it was because I’d told her I would. I would not go back on my word.

  But after licking my extremely dry lips, I pushed out my shaking voice, “Be-because she’s my best friend.”

  Lie. That was such a lie. A year ago, it would’ve been the truth. Hell, even a couple months ago, it had been the truth. But today, I didn’t even know if I’d consider her a passing friend.

  Across the overly hot room, the psychologist nodded and made a note on his pad. For some reason, I wondered if he was really making a notation about me or if he was just playing tic-tac-toe with himself.

  Then he lifted his face and sent me a smile that creeped me out more than it settled my nerves. “From Cora’s notes here, it says she was a year older than you and took you under her wing. Is that right?”

  I blinked as he shuffled through a few pages as if to find the line he was quoting. But...what? Cora had already talked to him? Cora had...? What exactly had she told him about me? What did he already know?

  My breathing began to escalate. “I...” I nodded because nothing he said was a lie. “Yes, I guess.”