A Fallow Heart Read online

  He almost grinned. Almost. But the broken organ in his chest pretty much prevented him from feeling any kind of joy. He’d be surprised if he could ever smile again.

  “We better go,” Jo Ellen said abruptly and waved goodbye to everyone as she hooked her arm through Untermeyer’s and steered him toward the house, nearly yanking him along as if she sensed Cooper might kill her boyfriend if he lingered a second longer.

  “I really hate that guy,” he growled under his breath as he watched them depart.

  He hadn’t meant for anyone to hear him. But next to him, Caine snorted. “Join the club.”

  Surprised to hear such spite coming from the thirteen-year-old, Coop whirled to gape at Caine.

  “Caine,” Grady admonished with a suppressed sigh. “Zip it.”

  “What?” Caine asked, all innocence and confusion. “You don’t like him either.”

  “Well, don’t go spreading family opinion around in front of outsiders.”

  Coop knew it shouldn’t sting to be labeled an outsider. He was an outsider. But to be so openly separated from the Rawlings plainly told him where he belonged; on the outside. Forever out of Jo Ellen’s treasured reach.

  “But it’s just Coop,” Caine argued with his brother, making Cooper feel marginally better. “As much as he hangs around Em, he might as well be family.”

  “Coop’s not a gossip,” Emma Leigh added, coming to his defense. “Besides, he doesn’t care what we think of Travis.”

  Cooper sent Em a grateful glance.

  “Whatever,” Grady said, dismissing his younger siblings with a roll of his eyes before he sent Coop a reluctant grumble. “No offense meant.”

  When Coop waved off his apology, Grady nudged Caine with his elbow. “Let’s get a move on it. We need to have this sample at the office by noon so Dad can show it to the investors coming to lunch.”

  As the two Rawlings brothers piled into the truck, Emma Leigh sidled next to Coop and waved them off. The front door of the house opened again. Jo Ellen exited with Untermeyer toting a hulking picnic basket, and the two strolled hand in hand to his Miata.

  Coop couldn’t help but watch, his chest a raw, shredded mess.

  Jo Ellen had been so into him last night. No girl had ever made him feel that good, that needed. He wanted to hate her for breaking his heart. But all he could feel was bitter jealously as Untermeyer paused to kiss her again before opening the passenger-side door and helping her into her seat.

  “Well, holy shit.” Emma Leigh set her hands on her hips. “How long has this been going on?”

  Coop pulled his gaze from the departing Miata to focus on Jo Ellen’s twin. “What?”

  Em pushed at his elbow. “You’ve got a thing for the princess. It’s written all over your face.”

  He let out a snort and frowned. “No.”

  Emma Leigh lifted her eyebrows. “Wow. It’s that serious, huh?”

  Busying himself with his already-soaked rag, Cooper ignored her and wiped an oil smear off his forearm.

  She set a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Coop. Buddy. You know she’s never going to leave Travis, don’t you?” Her voice took on a grave tone. “She’s committed to him. And when Joey commits to something, that’s that for her. She’s in for life.”

  His heart strained in his chest as he wished she had committed herself to him. He lifted his face to study Em. She looked exactly like Jo Ellen. And it wasn’t like she turned him off. She just didn’t turn him on.

  Wondering why he couldn’t have fallen for her instead, he blew out a deflated breath and let his shoulders sag. “I know.”

  “Aww, Coop. You poor thing.” Her eyes squinted sympathetically as she slipped an arm around him and squeezed. “What in the world happened last night when you brought her home?”

  Staring off in the direction Untermeyer’s Miata had disappeared, Coop wondered the same thing. “I guess nothing happened.”

  * * * *

  In the passenger seat of Travis’s car, Jo Ellen repositioned the air conditioner vent to blow away from her. Travis always turned the fans on full blast and froze her to the bone. Sometimes, she swore he did it on purpose to show her that despite how much wealthier her family was than his, he by no means was the subordinate member of their relationship.

  “What was Gerhardt doing at your place?” He turned his car off the beaten path and down an abandoned road with a strip of grass growing through the center of the gravel, showing how often it wasn’t used.

  “Cooper?” She shrugged. “I have no idea. He probably stopped by to see Emma Leigh.”

  But now that Travis mentioned it, Cooper had looked particularly troubled. Maybe he’d come over to unload some personal problem on Emma Leigh. Cooper and her twin were terribly close. Em had loads of close acquaintances. If Jo Ellen didn’t love her sister so dearly, she’d be insanely jealous of Em’s ability to make friends. She was so fun and uninhibited; people simply flocked to her.

  Jo Ellen only wished she could be so sure of herself, so confident. She tended to stick to the sidelines; afraid she’d do something or say something embarrassing if she ever truly let herself go. But what would people think of her if she slipped up and did something awful?

  “I bet he’s trying to get into her panties,” Travis mused aloud. “Dumb idiot. Like a Rawlings would ever have anything to do with him…well, unless your sister just wants to have a bit of temporary fun in the slums.”

  Jo Ellen gasped. “Travis Marianne Untermeyer,” she scolded, knowing full well how much he loathed his middle name. “That is an awful thing to say. About both Cooper and my sister. Emma Leigh would never—”

  “I know, I know.” Travis rolled his eyes and reached across the center console to grasp her fingers. “Your sister’s a pure, white virgin.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Unlike you.”

  Jo Ellen snapped her hand back. “Yes, she is,” she bit out, irrationally hurt he had to go and mention how chaste her sister was and she wasn’t. She hated remembering she was no longer pure or clean. It made her feel dirty. Used. “And Cooper Gerhardt is probably the nicest guy I’ve ever met,” she added, moving past her own pain to defend the absent Cooper since he wasn’t around to defend himself.

  “Nice?” Travis snorted and made a face. “Yeah right.”

  “He is nice,” Jo Ellen insisted. “And I don’t understand why you hate him so much. He’s the most considerate person—”

  “Oh, gimme a break. He’s trash, Jo Ellen. Poor white trash who lowers the value of Tommy Creek because his family lives here, polluting it with their filthy presence.”

  Jo Ellen saw red. “Oh my God! I cannot believe you don’t like him just because his family’s humble. His parents are the most selfless people on earth. They’d donate an organ to a complete stranger if need be. Your parents certainly wouldn’t do that.”

  With her arms folded tightly over her chest, Jo Ellen risked a sideways glance at him. She knew she probably shouldn’t have made that last crack. But it was true. His parents were the biggest pair of snobs she knew, which made no sense. The Untermeyers didn’t possess even a quarter of the wealth the Rawlings family did. Where did they get off?

  Travis’s jaw had hardened. He parked next to a thick row of evergreens, which tucked his Miata neatly out of sight from the main road and gave them privacy. Remaining quiet until he killed the engine, he slowly turned to face her.

  He looked calm as he asked, “Is that what this is about then? You’re still in a tiff because Mom didn’t invite you to the country club with us last night?”

  Jo Ellen bit the inside of her lip, hating the word tiff and hoping he didn’t see a change in her expression. But, dang it, yes, of course she was hurt his family had put on such a spectacle about celebrating his father’s birthday—right in front of her—and made no mention whatsoever to include her. She’d been dating Travis for almost two years, and he’d even promised he’d buy her a ring once they graduated high school. To her, they were as good as married.<
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  But after dropping enough hints to Travis for him to understand what she wanted, he’d come right out and told her his mom didn’t want her there. That hurt more than she could express. Why didn’t Mrs. Untermeyer like her? And why hadn’t her boyfriend fought harder to get her an invite?

  Didn’t he consider them as good as married too? He certainly ought to since he insisted on other marriage rights from her as well.

  Becoming abruptly fascinated with cleaning the invisible gunk out from under her fingernails, Jo Ellen muttered, “This has absolutely nothing to do with that. I just don’t think you should treat poor Cooper so bad. He doesn’t deserve it. And that joke you made about him at the house wasn’t even funny.”

  “You laughed,” Travis reminded her on a sneer.

  She winced. Yes, she had. But no one else was going to, and if she hadn’t, she would’ve placed her loyalties away from Travis. Studying him with a solemn expression, she said, “I have to laugh at your jokes. You’re my boyfriend.” Pretty much already her husband.

  “Yes, I am.” His voice grew steely soft as he leaned close, looking intent about getting a kiss. “I’m your boyfriend. Not Gerhardt. And I don’t appreciate you taking his side over mine.”

  “I didn’t—” Jo Ellen started, only to have his mouth cut her off. She reared backward to continue her argument, but he grasped the back of her neck to hold her still.

  Irritated by his pompous, caveman tactics, she struggled before she realized he wasn’t going to let go until she kissed him back. Stonily, she fell still and let him press his tongue into her mouth.

  Finally satisfied, he broke off and eased back far enough to meet her gaze. “Forgive me.” He stroked her cheek with one finger. “You know how irritable I get when you mention that guy.”

  Jo Ellen melted as she always did whenever he softened and opened up about his feelings. It reminded her of how relentlessly he’d pursued her, how desperate he’d acted to become her boyfriend. He’d told her things about himself he swore were for her ears alone. No one else had ever confided in her or been so interested in Jo Ellen the person. He made her feel special, accepted, and loved. In return, she’d given him her all, and committed herself to him. Everyone in school considered them the couple most likely to marry.

  “I know you do,” she said softly. “I just don’t understand why.” Cooper had to be one of the most harmless individuals she’d ever met. She’d never felt anything but safe around him. Yet her stubborn boyfriend remained intent about constantly badmouthing him.

  Travis sighed and closed his eyes before leaning forward to rest his forehead alongside hers. “Maybe I’m jealous of him.”

  Jo Ellen jerked back, her mouth falling open. “Of Cooper?” She couldn’t believe it. He’d always acted as if he was so superior to their classmate. He belittled Cooper’s origins and financial status nonstop. It made no sense for him to admit jealousy.

  “Just look at him, Jo Ellen. He’s got height, looks, and good grades. He’s athletic and favored by all the teachers. Everyone likes him. They treat him like he’s some kind of god.”

  Travis had a point. Cooper was handsome; the best-looking boy in her class in her opinion. Tanned and tall with broad shoulders and a tapered waist, he made her feel strangely warm whenever she looked into his intense, pale brown eyes for too long. His smile was devastating and his laugh induced her to feel happy. Plus, he was the sweetest, nicest boy Jo Ellen knew. Everyone did like him. There just wasn’t anything about Cooper Gerhardt not to like.

  But her boyfriend was Travis, and she wasn’t going to make him feel even worse by agreeing. So she stroked his face. “Well, I know something you have that he doesn’t.”

  Travis glanced up with a wary question in his gaze. “What’s that?”

  She laughed and pushed lightly on his arm. “Me, silly.”

  He grinned, looking suddenly smug. “You’re absolutely right.” After leaning close, he kissed her again. This time the pressure of his mouth was comfortable and sweet. Jo Ellen hummed her pleasure and kissed him back.

  Travis moved restlessly closer. He lifted his hand to her breast and kneaded her through her shirt. But on contact, his fingers triggered a memory. She felt another hand on her.

  Brow knitting because no one besides Travis had ever touched her there—no one else had even kissed her before—she focused on the fuzzy recollection, wondering where the heck it had come from. It was so detailed, it couldn’t be a dream, and yet she knew for certain it hadn’t been Travis. But who—

  Another flash of lucidity hit her.

  Last night.

  Cooper.

  At her back door.

  She remembered the utter longing on his face, the rasp in his voice when he whispered her name. In return, she’d clung to him, panting, begging for more…

  Gasping, she jerked back and gawked at her boyfriend.

  She’d kissed Cooper Gerhardt last night.

  “What’s wrong?” Travis asked, squinting in confusion.

  She shook her head. “N-nothing. I just…I thought I saw a bug on you.”

  “A bug!” Yelping, he beat at his chest with frantic, jerky whacks. “Where-is-it? Where-is-it? Where-is-it?” Before waiting for an answer, he threw open the driver’s side door and hurled his body from the car to dance a frenzied jig in the tall grass, slapping at his body in an attempt to kill the nonexistent bug.

  Jo Ellen could only stare but she didn’t focus on the ridiculous display. She’d been transported into the past.

  Last night.

  She’d only gone to that stupid party with Emma Leigh because she’d been piqued at Travis and his family. It’d been an immature kind of defiance, going somewhere without him. But she’d gone anyway and even drank, hoping to feel better about herself through a cup of frothy, bitter beer.

  She vaguely remembered Cooper helping her to his truck, telling her he’d take her home. From that point on, the night turned into a fuzzy, splotchy blur…with way too many blank spaces to fill in what all had happened.

  She remembered kissing him; she remembered him resisting…for a while. Then he’d finally kissed her back, and it had been marvelous. She knew she’d never felt so wonderful before, had never wanted to be kissed by anyone as much as she’d wanted him to keep kissing her.

  But…how had it ended? What happened after that kiss?

  Wait. There was more. Another detail dashed through her brain.

  Oh, dear God. She’d slid her hand down his pants and remembered thinking he was a heck of a lot more endowed than Travis; but after that…nothing.

  Jo Ellen swallowed. What had she done with Cooper Gerhardt, with her boyfriend’s nemesis? She had an awful feeling she suddenly knew why he’d been loitering around her house, staring at her with a crushed expression this afternoon.

  Sick to her stomach, she focused on Travis, still hopping around, smacking his arms and chest.

  “Travis,” she called, throwing open the passenger side door and hurrying around his car to him. “Nothing’s there, baby. I’m sorry. Nothing’s there. There’s no bug.”

  He paused to send her a baffled blink. “No bug?”

  She laughed. His confusion was just too adorable for her not to, besides it relieved some of the hysteria, tension, and guilt consuming her. “There was never a bug. I’m sorry, I…it was just a shadow moving across you. And I jerked back, thinking…but it wasn’t a bug.”

  He glowered. “So, there was never a bug on me?”

  Lips twitching with the need to laugh again, Jo Ellen shook her head. “I’m sorry, no.”

  “Oh, thanks a lot,” he muttered, spinning away from her and tromping back to his car. “Make me look like a total idiot.”

  She wanted to tell him she hadn’t forced him to freak out. But she still felt queasy, realizing she’d just cheated on him.

  Slowing to a stop, she covered her mouth with both hands. Heavens to Betsy, she really had cheated on him, hadn’t she? Even if she’d only kissed Coo
per—and she had a sinking feeling she’d done a lot more than that—she’d just become a cheater.

  This couldn’t be good. She hated cheaters, despised them.

  “Are we going to have a picnic or not?” Travis hauled the basket out of the back seat, only to send Jo Ellen a pointed arch of his brows.

  Her eyes burned with the urge to cry. She knew she should tell him; confess everything. But the words stuck in her throat. If it had been anyone else besides Cooper Gerhardt, he might be able to forgive her. She’d been drunk and Cooper had taken advantage, though she remembered being the one to make all the advances. He’d still let her kiss him. He should’ve been a gentleman and stopped her.

  She paused with a quick, confused frown. That didn’t make any sense either. Cooper Gerhardt was a gentleman. He was a nice, polite true Texas gentleman. Why hadn’t he stopped her?

  “Jo Ellen?” Travis said her name as if it wasn’t the first time he’d repeated it in the past five seconds.

  She focused on him, but he still appeared somewhat blurry in her vision.

  He frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  “I…I don’t feel so good,” she blurted, grasping her stomach as if she might vomit, which wasn’t so farfetched of an idea. She did feel nauseous.

  Who wouldn’t? She was a filthy, awful boyfriend betrayer. No wonder why his mother hated her.

  “Can you take me home?” she asked, wrinkling her face into what she hoped was a piteous expression.

  He slumped his shoulders, looking crestfallen. But to her relief, he nodded and hauled the basket back to his car.

  It was a quiet trip back to her house. Travis probably thought she was still upset over their argument. Jo Ellen couldn’t tell him she no longer cared about that. She couldn’t speak. She needed to think about this, about Cooper and Travis. She needed to figure out how to make things right again.

  Chapter Five

  “Don’t tell me you’re doing homework already? It’s the first day of school.”

  Jo Ellen jumped and gave a surprised gasp. She hadn’t been doing homework; she’d been camped on her bed, composing a letter to Travis. She hadn’t been able to confess her liquor-induced make-out session with Cooper Gerhardt to his face. A letter seemed much safer…and yet far more cowardly.