With Every Heartbeat Page 4

  I winced as I kept watching. “You don’t have to hide it,” I said quietly. “People will understand.” She should be proud of how strong and resilient she was. She was surviving kidney failure, for crying out loud.

  But she cut me off with a snarl. “No, they won’t. Because no one knows.”

  I opened my mouth, but wasn’t sure what to say. So I settled for shaking my head. “What?”

  She snorted and motioned toward me. “Look at you. You’ve been here less than a day and you’re already mother-henning me to death, trying to spoon-feed me and tell me what’s best for me. I don’t want the hovering or the dictating with everyone telling me what’s best for me. Okay? And I certainly don’t want anyone’s pity.”

  Shoulders hunching with guilt, I glanced away. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. I’d been so worried about her that I’d only been thinking of myself, wanting to make me feel better by pampering her, by fixing her. But I should’ve been thinking about what Cora wanted instead of what I thought I should give.

  With a small clearing of my throat, I lifted my face with an apologetic smile. “So...no one else knows? Not even...?”

  “Not even Quinn,” she said, reading my mind. “And you’re not going to tell him. You’re not going to tell anyone. I don’t want to be treated any differently than I would be if I were perfectly healthy.”

  But she wasn’t perfectly healthy, and she needed to be treated differently.

  I held my tongue, though. “I won’t tell,” I promised, though I felt extremely uneasy about the whole thing.

  “Good.” Finished with covering the last bruise, she smiled perkily and clasped her hands together. “Now let’s talk about what you’re really going to wear today, because no way are you leaving this apartment in that. I have a reputation to uphold, and if you’re going to be my roommate, you can’t embarrass me.” She shuddered in revulsion as her gaze traveled down my figure.

  Instantly self-conscious from showing so much skin, I hugged my arms over my chest. “It’s the only suit I have.”

  “Well, it’s hideous. Come on, I think I have something for you.” She grasped my elbow and led me to a chest of drawers, where she pulled out the top one. “Damn, I didn’t even know they still made one-pieces.” She dug inside, pausing every few seconds to toss colored chunks of Lycra, polyester, and nylon over her shoulder and onto the bed.

  All Cora had were skimpy bikinis. I waved my hands no at each one she picked up and tried to hold up to my body. Stepping in reverse away from them, I refused to even consider the idea.

  Finally, she grew fed up and scowled at me. “Come on, Zo. You left home and came to me so you could finally live a little.”

  No, I’d come here to save her life. But I winced with apology anyway, because I hated to disappoint her. “I’m sorry. I just...I can’t wear those.”

  Cora held up a hand. “Okay, fine. It’s still too soon for you. I get it.”

  If she thought I’d ever wear anything that revealing, she was nuts.

  I grew worried over just how much she’d changed this last year. Cursing and drinking and skimpy clothes. Those things hadn’t been Cora a year ago, and she knew they weren’t me now. So what had caused such a transformation? And why was she trying to change me too?

  More importantly, what exactly had I gotten myself into by coming here?

  Cora wrangled me into one of her tight tees. It was a plain gray V-neck but hugged my breasts like a second skin and was short enough to expose my navel with every other move I made. The shorts were indecently short and just as tight. Then she put me in ankle socks and white sneakers. Compared to the swimsuit she’d put on—a contraption of hot pink dental floss attached to three miniature scraps of cloth—I looked like a nun who was covered from neck to toe, but I still felt majorly exposed.

  After slopping my hair into a quick, high ponytail, Cora stepped back and clapped happily. “Ooh, this might even be better. You look like an adorable virgin, ripe for the plucking.”

  My jaw fell open as my face heated. “I cannot believe you just said that.”

  She sighed. “Oh, Zoey, I’ve forgotten how completely naive you are.”

  I hated that word, almost as much as I hated being that word. And she knew it. Swallowing down my irritation that she would purposely and so coldly use it against me, I shied back and cleared my throat.

  “You know, only a year ago you were just as innocent,” I said, hoping to make her remember, to draw out the friend I once had. But seriously, what kind of wild experiences had Quinn Hamilton given my best friend?

  She laughed in my face. “Isn’t it awful how stupid I was? But that feels like a lifetime ago, thank God. Don’t you worry about it, hon. A few months here will help draw out your courage.”

  Courage for what, I wondered.

  “Goddamn dialysis,” Cora muttered as she studied herself in the full-length mirror, turning from side to side. “It’s gotten me way too pale.”

  I thought she looked extra tan, but I had a feeling saying so would annoy her, so I just sat on her bed and waited for her to stop degrading herself.

  After another minute of frowning and muttering, she met my gaze in the mirror. “Do you think this will actually look as good once it gets wet?”

  I made a face at it, thinking it’d probably disintegrate and fall off the second she got spray back from a water hose.

  She read my expression and groaned. “You’re right. I should wear the blue one.”

  As she peeled off the pink top, I glanced at my wristwatch. We really needed to get going; the fundraiser was starting in five minutes.

  “I’ll wait for you in the front room,” I said just as a knock came at our front door.

  I glanced at Cora, not at all feeling as if this was enough my home to be answering any doors yet. But she was too busy wiggling the pink bikini bottoms out of her butt crack.

  That wasn’t a sight I’d ever be able to un-see, so I motioned toward the doorway. “I’ll just...I’ll get the door.”

  She didn’t even pretend to hear me, so I hurried down the hall and checked the peek hole.

  My stomach instantly knotted with tension. What the heck was Cora’s too-gorgeous-to-be-real boyfriend doing here? I’d refused to think about him all day, because just remembering those awkward moments we’d had alone when Cora had been passed out between us made me hot and nervous all in one confusing ball. I swear, my hand still tingled from where I’d had to bury it in his pocket to fetch the apartment key.

  God, he’d a really warm, rock hard thigh.

  I glanced down the hall toward Cora’s room, but she was nowhere in sight. Hesitating, I finally opened the door and peeked out at him. He startled a little when our gazes met, letting me know he’d been expecting her. Once he recovered, his blue eyes warmed with greeting and he smiled, flashing a deep dimple in the left side of his cheek.

  Yeah, he just had to have a dimple, didn’t he?

  “Hi,” he said brightly. “You guys ready?”

  I blinked. “Ready?”

  Worry and indecision clouded his face. He lifted his hand to rub at the back of his neck. “You’re both still going to the car wash, right?”

  “Yes,” I answered slowly.

  That seemed to fluster him even more. He jabbed his hands into his pockets, which made his shoulders more defined and muscled than they’d been a second before. Then he nervously kicked out a foot over the toe of his other shoe. “And you knew you were riding there with me? Right?”

  I shook my head dumbly, flushed and flustered to learn that part. I already felt überly self-conscious going out, dressed like this. But knowing he would be there to witness it made it that much more unnerving. I was aware of every molecule of my body, from the irrational tick of my pulse in my throat to the cool wash of the air conditioner blowing a slight breeze against the backs of my legs. It made my breasts prickle, and my arms coat with goose bumps.

  “Oh,” I said stupidly. “I...no, I didn’t know that. So
rry.”

  He bit his bottom lip. Watching his perfect teeth sink into that perfect pink flesh set off the fireworks in my chest. I prayed my bra was doing its job and hiding any embarrassing bumps beading out the front of my shirt.

  “No, I’m sorry,” he started. “I thought Cora would’ve told you.”

  I wasn’t sure why he was apologizing. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but it was endearing that he was so willing to take culpability for something. My father had never owned up to any of his mistakes. He’d just blamed other people, usually me, and then I’d get punished for his embarrassments.

  Realizing Quinn was still standing in the hallway, waiting for me to respond, I finally opened the door wider. “It’s fine. You can come in and wait, I guess. I thought Cora was ready, but...” I paused, wondering if he’d get mad if he knew she was changing at the last second, making us late.

  He merely grinned as he entered the apartment. “She had to change,” he guessed correctly as if he was used to such behavior. He turned to me, showing off that dimple again, and making my stomach do somersaults when our gazes met. “Yeah, I’ve started telling her things are half an hour earlier than they really are to give her time for her last-minute changes.”

  I nodded, but my mind drifted elsewhere, because really, it didn’t seem humanly possible for a person to be so beautiful.

  Heat traveled up my toes, zipping along the insides of my thighs, embarrassing me with all the places it flamed the hottest. What was worse, the cool air from the overhead vents was still making my arms prickle and the tips of my breasts harden.

  How utterly mortifying.

  Trying to act as if nothing earth-shattering was going on inside me, I forced a smile at his explanation, though I was relieved to learn we still had time and weren’t running late. I couldn’t stand being late for anything.

  “So this happens a lot?”

  His grin really was infectious as he smiled. “Every time.” He started to say something else but he finally noticed what I was wearing. And I mean, like, really noticed. His grin froze as his gaze dropped down my body, pausing at my breasts, midriff, and finally my legs.

  As I glanced down to make sure my nipples weren’t poking through the T-shirt, I tugged at the hemline, hoping I wasn’t showing off any of my stomach as well. The bra was doing its job, thank goodness, and the tug seemed to alert Quinn to what he was doing.

  His gaze immediately zipped up to my face and his eyes widened with guilt and apology. “Y-y-you...I mean, did you get unpacked okay?”

  I wrapped my arms over my chest because I couldn’t fight the impulse a second longer. After tucking a long piece of bangs that hadn’t made it into my ponytail behind my ear, I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I’m all moved in.”

  Quinn nodded and rocked back onto the heels of his shoes as if he were nervous. “Good. I was going to offer to help carry stuff in for you today, but the coach kept us late at practice this morning, doing drills. Then I had already volunteered to help set out all the hoses and buckets and stuff for the car wash. And now, well...I guess it’s too late now. Sorry, I—”

  “You don’t have to apologize,” I rushed out, startled he even felt he had to...again. “I didn’t expect you to...I mean, it’s fine. Really.”

  Strange. Quinn Hamilton wasn’t like anything I thought he’d be. From all the pictures I’d seen of him wrapped around Cora at all these parties, I had assumed he’d be an arrogant, full of himself, outgoing jock. So far, jock was the only thing I’d gotten right, but actually he still didn’t strut around with tight muscle shirts and net shorts, to reveal all his athletic perks. Today, he sported a pair of blue jeans and a loose gray shirt, advertising ESU.

  An awkward silence bloomed between us. Quinn shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Then he gestured toward the couch and television. “Do you mind if I...?”

  “Oh! Yeah, sure. Go right ahead.”

  Yes, best idea ever. I’d latch onto anything to wipe away the uncomfortable tension between us. And the television was a perfect outlet. I wished I’d thought of it and offered it first.

  “Great, thanks. I’ve been itching to catch up on Psych.”

  I followed him into the living room area, curious. “Psych?”

  He tossed an engaging grin at me over his shoulder. “It’s this hilarious detective show I found on Netflix. We don’t get Netflix at my apartment, so I can only watch it here. And Cora can’t stand it, so I sneak it in when I’m waiting for her to...” He made air quotes as he grinned at me, “change.”

  I couldn’t help it. I grinned back.

  He flopped down on the couch and made himself at home, flipping up the middle cushion to reveal a center console nook hiding a handful of remote controls. Taking one out, he turned on the television and pushed another series of buttons to get into the show and the very episode he wanted. When he clicked on an option that said “resume playing,” I realized how much more he was familiar with my new apartment than I was.

  It must’ve been incredibly strange for him to wait in the hallway until I’d given him permission to enter. And then he’d even had to ask to sit down. My face heated; I felt like a moron. He was Cora’s boyfriend; of course he knew his way around. He’d demonstrated that last night when he’d told me where everything was.

  Once again, I felt completely out of my element.

  The show popped on, and the two guys on the screen instantly captured my attention as they argued about something completely inconsequential over the body of some dead guy.

  Captivated, I inched further into the room and slid tentatively down into a side chair. Within seconds, I was giggling. I slapped my hand over my mouth just as Quinn grinned at me as if happy to see me enjoying his show.

  Two more people arrived at the scene. They looked like detectives. “That’s Jules and Lassiter,” Quinn explained. “Shawn, the main guy there, has had a major crush on Jules since the beginning. I think they’re going to get together.” Then he sent me a rueful grin. “At least they better get together.”

  I smiled back, completely charmed. But, aww, he was a romantic. I loved that.

  We kept watching, totally engrossed in the show. I asked question after question. Quinn was currently working his way through season four, but seemed happy to explain everything he knew and catch me up to speed.

  We were both laughing over something Gus was saying to Shawn’s dad when Cora strolled into the room, wearing a tiny pair of shorts that were unbelievably shorter than my own, and no shirt over her skimpy bikini top. She looked suntanned and flawless—not at all like she was suffering from kidney failure—as she artfully tossed a beach towel over her shoulder.

  “Everybody ready?” she asked before focusing on the television and making a face. “Oh God. Please don’t tell me you’re pushing that dumb show on Zoey now?”

  Quinn just grinned at her. “She’s laughing,” he argued, still smiling up at Cora as she sauntered across the living room to crawl into his lap.

  My face heated at her bold move, and I shifted, uncomfortable to watch such intimacy. Facing him and straddling his lap, Cora grabbed onto the back of the couch on either side of him, caging him in. Quinn set his hands on her hips and gazed into her eyes as she tsked and shook her head.

  “If you weren’t so cute, I’d have to reevaluate our relationship. Because dating someone who actually likes this show...” She sighed as if he was hopeless.

  Still grinning, Quinn framed her face in his hands. “You look really pretty today.”

  Cora threw back her head and laughed, her gorgeous blonde hair spilling down her spine. “Of course, your being a total sweetheart helps your case considerably.” Then she leaned in to kiss him.

  My skin buzzed with awareness as I quickly glanced away to give them a measure of privacy. But I’d already seen enough for my core temperature to skyrocket. The way Quinn had closed his eyes, his too long lashes resting against the tops of his cheeks, was like art. His hands continued to cup Cora
’s face as if he treasured her. And his mouth. The way it moved against hers compelled me to cop another peek.

  I glanced over again just as he pulled away. But the adoration in his eyes as he simply gazed at Cora seemed just as, if not more, intimate than the kiss they’d shared. He really liked her. It was a shock to the system to see such affection between two people. My father had certainly never looked at any of the women he dated this way.

  I was held captive as Quinn teasingly scolded, “You finally ready to go now?”

  I loved the easy playfulness between them. They seemed to click together. And yet it made a painful regret clench deep in my stomach. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t dreamt of coming to Ellamore this year and finding someone to fall in love with and adore the same way Cora had blathered on about Quinn in all her emails to me. But sharing this kind of connection with another human being seemed out of my scope of reality. Someone as shy, reserved and closed off as I was could never manage to open herself to that kind of intimacy.

  As if he could feel my jealousy over the bond they shared oozing out through my pores like a noxious gas, Quinn glanced over. He immediately shifted under Cora and set his hands on her hips to lift her off his lap. “We should get going before we’re late.”

  Cora laughed as she climbed off the couch. “I hate to break it to you, baby, but we’re already late.”

  Quinn glanced at me, his eyes crinkling in amusement as if to share an inside joke. It made everything inside me heat with glee. Then he took Cora’s hand and linked his fingers with hers. “Then I guess we don’t want to be any later than we already are.”

  “Hold the motherfucking phone.” Ten stopped next to me and set a hand on my shoulder, squeezing to get my attention as he stared across the parking lot towards the girls’ side where they were getting almost as much business as we were.

  The car wash was going good, automobiles were lined up to the street, and so far, the competition between the genders was neck and neck.