With Every Heartbeat Page 32

  “But never...pretending it didn’t happen and going our separate ways now that it did happen seems wrong too. You are not a one-time kind of girl and I most definitely don’t want to be the guy to make you one. You don’t deserve that, and I...I...”

  Her eyes were red when she uncovered her hands from her face. “What’re you saying?”

  “I’m saying this is your decision. Do you want me to leave you alone? Or do you want to...I don’t know...” I glanced away, feeling like an idiot. “See where this is going?” I turned back to her. “It’s completely up to you. I’ll respect whatever you want to do?”

  Her lips parted and her lashes fluttered as she blinked. I held my breath, not sure which decision I was hoping for until she said, “I think...I think we should never do...what we did...again. Cora’s my roommate and...and getting mixed up between you two isn’t—”

  Disappointment crashed through me, but I nodded emphatically as if I totally understood and agreed. “It’s okay,” I told her. “I understand. And the last thing I’d ever want to do is get you tangled up between us. It makes sense to just...not go there.” But sense or not, I still wanted to go there...a lot.

  Zoey nodded but looked about as crushed as I felt.

  I turned my attention to the bookshelf and tried to keep it together. “If you ever need anything, though, just call, okay? I’m still your friend. Nothing can change that.”

  Her head bobbed again. “Okay,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

  “Thank you,” I said back to her and leaned in to kiss her temple, inhaling that last little bit of her shampoo scent that I could breathe in. “Thank you for being there for me when I needed someone the most. And I’m sorry for...” I shook my head, not sure what I was sorry for. But I felt like hell for the way all this was affecting her. “I’m sorry for...”

  She spun away and ran off.

  I cursed under my breath and then leaned toward the nearest bookshelf and tapped my head against it a few times, hoping to knock some sense back into myself. I hoped to God I’d just made the right decision by letting her go, but I felt so bad, I couldn’t see how it had been the right thing to do at all.

  In the space of a just a few days, my life went from the lowest point ever, to the highest, and right back to the lowest...and then it just kept rolling on as if nothing had ever happened. I had to skip more classes on Tuesday to get more tests done on my kidneys. When Wednesday came, I approached art class with dread.

  I know I’d told Quinn it would be better if we put some space between us, but I missed him, and I regretted every word I’d said to keep him away. He’d insisted we were still friends, but I knew we weren’t. We’d never be as close as we’d been before Friday night.

  It was for the best, though...wasn’t it?

  I honestly didn’t know. I was still too much of a mess to think logically. When I entered class, Ten, Caroline and Quinn had already arrived, and only one space sat open between Caroline and Quinn, making me wonder if they’d booted me out of the group. I certainly wouldn’t blame them.

  I slowed to a stop, not sure if I should approach, but then Caroline caught sight of me and waved me up with a relieved smile. Quinn glanced up, and his blue eyes immediately heated with all kinds of emotions I couldn’t read.

  I wasn’t sure if he wanted me there, but I went to Caroline anyway.

  “Reese is still home with a sick Mason, so it’s just the four of us today.”

  “You ever had chicken pox before, Blondie?” Ten asked as Quinn shifted his knee aside enough to let me know he was making room for me to squeeze in between him and Caroline.

  I glanced at him and met his intent blue-eyed gaze. He smiled as if happy to see me, but his eyes still seemed sad and regretful. Gulping, I forced my attention to his roommate. “Chicken pox?” I repeated distractedly, wondering why he was asking about that. “No. Why?”

  “Neither has Ham,” he said pointing out Quinn. “That’s insane. I thought everyone got chicken pox before they reached middle school.”

  “Oh, well...I didn’t go to middle school.”

  “Neither did I,” Quinn added.

  We glanced at each other again, and so much passed between us in that one stare: longing, guilt, excitement, dread, joy, suffering.

  “Well, Lowe did, so why the hell hadn’t he ever contracted it before? Working all these extra hours for him sucks ass, because I wanted to take Ham out and get him some pussy.”

  Quinn wrenched in his seat. “You what?”

  Ten shook his head sadly and made a tsking sound. “Damn, is lack of sex making you lose your hearing, too?”

  Mouth opening slightly as if he wanted to talk, Quinn darted a quick glance to me before he closed his lips and refused to respond.

  “I said...” Ten leaned across Caroline’s desk to talk more loudly toward his roommate. “First night we’re both off...we’re going out...and you’re getting laid.”

  “He can’t,” Caroline spoke up suddenly. “Quinn’s helping me with my...homework that night.”

  Zipping his attention to her, Ten scowled. “Since when do you and Ham do homework together?”

  Caroline narrowed her eyes and scowled right back. “Since...since...” It was so obvious she was lying, Ten rolled his eyes. But she growled and finished with, “Since now.”

  “Pft.” Ten waved her off. “Homework can wait. His poor, neglected dick cannot.”

  Quinn cleared his throat and shifted lower in his seat. He ducked his face, clearly not a willing participant in the conversation. “I really don’t want to go out any time soon.”

  “That’s because some cheating whore”—pausing to hold up a hand in my direction, he added, “tons of offense to your friend,” and then he returned his gaze to Quinn—“ripped your self-confidence off by the balls. But don’t you worry, buddy ol’ pal. We’re going to get them back. I don’t care if we have to strap on a fuzzy, leopard-printed pair. I can’t handle watching you go around without your nuts. Ergo, we’re going to find you the easiest, nastiest, hottest whore, and you’re going to get right back on that horse and fuck the shit out of her.”

  “Like, oh my God,” Caroline squealed in the perfect Valley-girl imitation. “An easy, nasty whore? Can you find me one too?”

  Ten leered her way. “Only if I watch while you make out with her.”

  Caroline fluttered her lashes before lowering her voice. “Oh, you wouldn’t be invited.”

  He scowled. “That’s not even right.”

  Sharing a triumphant smile with me, Caroline beamed as if she’d accomplished her main goal of the day: getting under Ten’s skin.

  “Anyway,” Ten went on, shaking his head as if he had to clear it. He slapped the top of Caroline’s desk to get Quinn’s attention. “Pack your pockets with rubbers, ’cause it’s going to happen.”

  A painful sizzling heat spread through my abdomen just thinking about Quinn with anyone else, letting her watch him roll a thin layer of latex over his glorious length. The recipient of that view didn’t even exist yet, and I already wanted to scratch her eyes out. I wanted to pull the hair of every girl to ever look at him.

  So I was more than relieved when he growled, “No. It’s not.”

  “You know what’d be really awesome,” Ten went on, completely ignoring Quinn’s refusal. “If you found one of Whora’s really close friends to fuck. That would be the ultimate revenge. Stick it to the ex while you’re sticking it to her bestie. Oh, yeah. What about that redhead? What’s her name… Tamsen or something?”

  I darted my gaze away so I couldn’t see Quinn’s expression. I didn’t think my heart, which was plunging into my stomach, could take the devastation if I saw any kind of guilt in his eyes…for already sticking it to one of Cora’s friends. I sat stiff and frozen in my chair, not daring to move a single muscle. Then I wondered what Ten would say if he knew Quinn had already followed his suggestion.

  Oh God. I might be sick.

  Next to me, Caroline huffed
out a breath. “Will you stop already? You are so disgusting.”

  “What?” Ten lifted his hands into the air. “Excuse me for trying to help out a buddy who just had his pride stomped on.”

  “I would think he might be a little more concerned about the blow to his heart right now.”

  Ten snorted and waved out a hand. “What the fuck ever. That woman did not have his—”

  “You know what.” Quinn sat up in his chair and slashed out his arm to motion for Ten to shut up. “I don’t want to listen to this conversation anymore. I’m not going with you to find any woman. And I don’t want to talk about what happened. End of discussion.”

  “Damn it, man.” Ten’s shoulder’s fell. “This is not healthy. I’m trying to save your ass here. Guys need to sow wild oats and test the waters or they’re going to end up having a midlife crisis before they’re thirty, blow all their money on some cherry red convertible and turn into a cheating asshole. And knowing you, now that you’re over with her, you’ll try to rebound right back into some meaningful, monogamous relationship. Which is worse than worse because if the whore hadn’t fucked around on you, you probably would’ve ended up asking her to marry you.”

  Cheeks flushing, Quinn briefly darted his gaze my way. I sucked in a breath, surprised he’d never told Ten about the ring he’d bought Cora.

  “And no stupid-ass motherfucker should marry the first girl he fucks. That’s all there is to it. She was your first, she absolutely cannot be your last.”

  Oh my...Cora had been the first girl Quinn had ever slept with? That meant she and I were the only two people he’d ever slept with. My cheeks burned with that knowledge as Quinn’s gaze bore hard into Ten.

  Next to me, Caroline lurched unsteadily to her feet. I glanced up to find her face pale and eyes devastated. “Excuse me,” she mumbled, rushing away.

  The three of us still sitting gaped dumbly after her as she fled the classroom, bumping into and dodging around students still entering.

  “What the fuck?” Ten finally said, sounding dumbfounded.

  He glanced at me, then Quinn. Quinn shook his head and looked my way.

  “I...maybe I should go check on her,” I offered, reaching out to gather Caroline’s books she’d left on her desk.

  Ten stood. “No. It was my big mouth. I’ll go.” Scowling, he swiped his hand over the top of his hair in an angry, distressed gesture. He looked as if he’d rather have his testicles removed than seek out Caroline, but he slapped her textbook closed, tucked it under his arm and jogged down the steps toward the front of the lecture hall.

  Quinn and I exchanged a glance. His mouth opened again. I knew he wanted to say something about everything Ten had just blurted out. I could tell by looking at him, it had left him humiliated and yet worried about me.

  Wanting to put off this particular conversation because I was still a little too bowled over by what I’d just learned, I quickly said, “Should we follow them? I mean...” I flailed out a hand. “Ten and Caroline.”

  “Uh...” He glanced after Ten, then rolled his eyes and ground his teeth. “Yeah, probably.”

  Together, we gathered our things and without saying a word, we left the classroom.

  “Which way do you think they went?” I asked just as I heard Ten saying, “Hey.”

  Quinn nodded his head that way, and we moved together to peek around a corner and into a quiet hall, where Ten was catching Caroline’s hand and whirling her around.

  Obviously not expecting the move, Caroline yelped and nearly tripped into him before she pulled away. “What the hell?” she exploded. “Why did you follow me?”

  Ten opened his mouth. Then he shrugged and scratched his head. “Fuck, I don’t know.” He motioned vaguely at her and shoved her textbook at her. “Why did you leave?”

  When she didn’t answer, just stared at him, he shifted from one foot to the other and asked, “So what stupid shit thing did I say this time to set you off?”

  “This time,” she muttered, and sent him a snarl. “You know what? Never mind. Just...forget about it.”

  When she began to walk away again, he snagged her wrist one more time. “Oh, hell no. I made the effort to follow you and find out what was wrong. You’re talking.”

  “Uh, no. I’m not. Not when you’re being an asshole.”

  Ten snorted. “I’m always an asshole, and it’s never stopped you from speaking to me before. What difference does that make, anyway? You can talk to an asshole just as well as you can a nice guy. Now, spill it.”

  “Fine.” Caroline crossed her arms over her chest and glared up at him. “You know that crack you made to Quinn about no guy ever marrying the first girl he screws?”

  “Yeah.” Confusion reigned on his face. “What about it?”

  She let out a long sigh and glanced away, pulling her arms more snuggly around her. “Sander said I was his first.”

  When she said nothing else, Ten squinted and leaned in closer to her. “Who the fuck is Sander?”

  Caroline lifted her face to send him a searing glare. His eyes widened before he said, “Oh.” Then he wrinkled his face into a grimace. “Sander? His name’s Sander? What a stupid, fucked-up name.”

  A grin lit Caroline’s face before she contorted it into a scowl. “Says the guy who goes by Ten.”

  Ten shifted closer to her. “You don’t call me Ten.”

  She lifted her chin and stepped in toward him as well. “And I’m never going to.”

  “They’re going to kiss,” I leaned up on my tiptoes to whisper into Quinn’s ear. “It looks like they’re going to kiss. Doesn’t it?”

  He nodded and glanced at me, and whoa, suddenly it felt like I was going to kiss...Quinn. His lips were right there and his eyes were hooded and sleepy sexy as if kissing me—and maybe a little more—was the only thing on his mind.

  Oh my God, I wanted to kiss him so bad.

  I lowered my gaze. “Do you think we should let them?” I asked...when really I was asking if we should let us. There was all kinds of wrong about kissing Quinn Hamilton again. But I could only concentrate on how right it would feel to press myself against him again, to wind my arms around his neck and—

  “I don’t know.” He glanced toward Ten and Caroline. “Noel would lose it if they got together. But you can tell how much they like each other.”

  When his gaze veered back to me, I was sure he wasn’t just talking about Ten and Caroline liking each other.

  “Yeah, they do. But the things keeping them apart are kind of a big deal.”

  He winced and twenty feet away, Ten seemed to come to his senses as well.

  “Let me tell you something about Sander and his claim about you being his first. The douchebag was lying.”

  “What?” Caroline shrieked. I think she was a second away from slapping him or scratching his face off.

  “Just...hear me out. The rich prick went out and found the poorest, most beautiful, loneliest girl from the crappiest trailer park across town, fed you a bunch of pretty words to get into your panties, and as soon as he knocked you up, he went running and crying to mommy and daddy to take care of it. Yeah...I’d say the fucker’s been around.”

  My mouth fell open. When Quinn and I turned to look at each other, I knew he was as shocked to hear about Caroline’s past as I was.

  “Wow,” Caroline said, her voice cracking. “When you say it that way, it really does make me look like a pathetic, naive idiot.”

  “No. Shit, don’t cry.” His eyes filled with the saddest, achiest expression. But as soon as he reached out her way, he fisted his hand and brought it back to his mouth. “Damn it, I didn’t tell you that to make you cry.” Then he threw his arms in the air as if defeated. “Jesus, fine. I’m going to say three more things, and then we’re never going to talk about this again, okay?”

  She nodded.

  “Okay, good.” He nodded too as if he had no idea what three things he wanted to tell her. But then he held up a finger. “Number one. I�
�m an idiot. A hundred percent of the shit that comes out of my mouth should not be taken seriously. I have no filter and I don’t think anything through. Nothing I say should ever have the power to make you cry. Two—”

  “Wait.” Caroline lifted a hand to stop him. “If number one is that I shouldn’t listen to you, then why are you even bothering to go through numbers two and three?”

  Ten growled out a sound of impatience. “Fine. Ninety percent of the shit that comes out of my mouth should be ignored. Numbers two and three should not. In fact, two and three might just be the most important things I’ll ever say to you. So, two...”

  He paused a moment as if waiting for her to intervene. When she didn’t, he continued. “Sander fucking lied to you. He is a liar, and an asshole, and that’s how he works to get a girl’s attention.”

  Caroline straightened her back, looking freshly ticked off. “And you know this from experience, I assume.”

  “No. There are a million freaking ways to get a girl to spread her legs for you, and lying isn’t one I use, but I know that trick when I see it. And he used it on you. You were used, and you should not spend another day of your life hurting over that pathetic excuse of human space, because three, you are amazing.”

  Caroline let out a breath and slowly turned to look up at him. “What?”

  He nodded, his eyes serious. I couldn’t help it; I reached for Quinn’s hand and bit my lip to keep from smiling as he squeezed my fingers in return.

  “You are so amazing,” Ten kept talking. “And I don’t want to see something like what he did to you slow you down like it has. I want to watch you get over it and keep on living an amazing life that you deserve.”

  “Oren,” Caroline murmured, the awe in her voice making it obvious how much his words had affected her. Heck, they affected me and he hadn’t even said them to me. She reached up slowly and cupped his cheek. He closed his eyes and she lifted her other hand to his other cheek.

  I held my breath for that moment when their lips would touch, but Ten wrenched back and grabbed Caroline’s wrists, tugging her hands from his face. Shaking his head, he said, “No. This isn’t going to happen.”